Hello lovely humans
So here is the official about me landing page. Go to my way, for more personal information. My political standpoints, for my thoughts on social justice. My approach to mindfulness, if you’re interested why I think social justice and trauma-sensitive informed mindfulness is important. (But why it’s not the only way to help the world heal) And last but not least if you wanna check my professional credentials, go to professional information.
“Seeing that harmful actions arise from anger, fear, greed, and intolerance, which in turn come from dualistic and discriminative thinking, I will cultivate openness, non-discrimination, and non-attachment to views in order to transform violence, fanaticism, and dogmatism in myself and in the world.” (Part of the first of the five mindfulness trainings)
“No mud. No lotus” (Thich Nhat Hanh)
I would like to tell the story of the wonderful child, overcoming an upbringing in a home of fear, anxiety, depression and violence. Blooming at the first moment of freedom from this past. I guess that could be a wonderful story, but it wouldn’t be mine.
I have suffered and I produced suffering. I struggled with violence against myself and others, I fell in the trap of addiction. I experienced Anxiety and PTSD. I wasn’t there for the people I claimed to love. I tried to find a way to more happiness, in overworking myself in activism.
It all crashed, the violence I did forced me to take responsibility for my actions, the addiction got to a point where it wasn’t bearable anymore, the political work fell apart, as it was mostly build on guild and fear, my relationships crashed. This process of falling apart of my picture i had of my self took years and will continue. But for some time now meditation, mindfulness and Buddhism watered the seeds of understanding, love and acceptance in me. And over a whole lot of therapy and reading and hearing Thich Nhat Hanhs wonderful books and other Buddhist teachings, I luckily was and still am able to change.
"Sometimes being a good person or my attachment to being a good person actually gets in the way of me looking at all the rough spots, at all the shadows that i'm working with. I don't even go there anymore." (Lama Rod Owens)
The peace and love in mindful communities and during retreats settled my decision to follow the Buddhist path, taking the 5 mindfulness trainings of the plum village tradition as training guides for my daily life and combining them with the ressources I gained from my studies of gender, feminism and other social justice topics and the beautys of doing art.
A 2,5 year course to become a mindfulness teacher in a school based in Vipassana is also still in progress.
As a manifestation of life that is present as a queer transgender woman, who experienced trauma and addiction I have personal experience of many forms of oppression that are present in our society and even Buddhist communities, still I have privileges as a white and mostly able-bodied person. So I am educating myself and at the same time I think the most important thing is to ‘just’ be there for each other and each others suffering.
Why do I think I’m ready to teach or coach?
A few weeks ago I was on a first date and after I told here about “no mud, no lotus” she just paused, looked at me and said calmly: “I see the lotus” Events like this reaccured pretty often lately. One friend said: “You are the most happy person I have met in my life” another told me: “I wanna learn to think like you”
And as I continue to grow and learn, to be present and open, I started sharing what I’ve learned with others. Leading meditation, helping with problems during mindful practices, writing my master thesis on “LGBTIQA+ in Buddhism in Europe”, and sharing my art with many friends. I am at a point where I am stable and happy in my Buddhist practice and as the ups and downs of life have lost their threat, I am happy to share and play my part in the process of collective insight.